Choosing / chosen for me

the universe wants me to feel, and create

Yesterday turned out to be a pretty good day in the end. I had been in a deep funk for 24 hours and was so confused that didn’t know what to do with myself.

I tried everything. Meditating, praying, exercise, fresh air. Nothing could get rid of The Feelings. I couldn’t escape. My strategies were failing.

I spoke with guidance. And they simply reminded me that feelings are for feeling. And that there was no getting out of it, only loving myself through it.

I could feel myself seemingly being pulled in different directions. And I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to be. I felt utterly powerless and useless.

My mind was so busy and foggy, and I was questioning everything. Paralysed by indecision, I was suffering even the simplest of choices.

But in the end, I gave in, I surrendered to my own desire. It it took a while to uncover and find what it was.

Towards late afternoon, I started feeling inspired to go outside again. I even had an idea where I wanted to go, which direction. I had this vague vision in my mind about what I would find.

So, feeling humbled by my own confused state I eventually got ready and off I went. It was a very slow process to get myself out of the door.

But I found what I was looking for.

As soon as I opened my front door, I knew why I was going out. The Sun had just set, and the sky was on fire.

It was beautiful.

So I walked West, following the bright glow in the sky. I saw blues, mauves, and oranges above. Deep shadows below. And black silhouetted trees and buildings marking that transition.

My village was busy with people and cars. But I took my time, and with my phone I recorded some simple photos.

I went for a little wander as the sky darkened to indigo and the street lights lit up.

It was so perfect.

The gift I had given myself – that the universe had lined up for me – was the opportunity to engage that inspired creative process. And to witness the beauty of the world.

I chose it. It was chosen for me.

If it hadn’t have taken me so long to get out, I would not have had that experience. The timing was miraculous.

Later in the evening I had the energy and the motivation to pull those photos off my phone and choose the best ones to publish.

Those photos are here.

It seems so simple, so normal. To do these things. To be in that creative flow. But it’s something I’ve struggled with so much over the years.

To find my voice is a blessing.

My deep suffering of the last 36 hours wasn’t magically cured. Neither was it wasted.

Instead I see it as both the crucible of creative process, and a salve for my heart. A preparation of my Being, for something greater to come in.

This is so deeply needed for us in these turbulent times.

I’m so deeply grateful to have these small opportunities to express myself. Thank you for reading.